The Perfect Woman

The pressure of being,

A perfect career woman,
A perfect mother,
A perfect career woman,
A perfect friend.

The pressure to be,
A boss,
A leader.

The pressure to have,
A perfect body,
Perfect smile,
Perfect  hair.

Perfect check list.
Perfect woman.

But in reality, the harder I tried, the distance between me and perfection grow more and more distant. There will always something that I have to sacrifice in order to be a perfect individual. It is always good vs bad, left vs right, white vs black, balance, yin yang kind of things got in the way.

I am trying so hard to be a perfect career woman, I push myself to the breaking point. But then I realized that I am always in the verge of madness because the perfection I want to pursue is not always someone else' concern (except they are my subs). They are just happy with less than mediocre result (according to me) and I can ALWAYS can feel my head is starting to throb and my blood came rushing to my brain. At the moment, I know that I am the big B.I.T.C.H because of what came out of my mouth was like a flooded river overflown the whole city. Then I came into my senses, I have lost my big pseudo shiny trophy as a "perfect boss" and "leader". I have become an ordinary madam secretary. Alongside with pile of stressful notes. And I ended up snoring on my bed, surrounded with my laptop, a bag of peanuts and a coffee cup.

My only hope that I can be a perfect mother and best friend for my daughter during week end. She has to understand that to be able to stay in her school, she has to let me work from 6.30am to 10.30pm, every single working days. She is an angel but still...when it comes to my obsession to be "mother of the year", that would be a total disaster. I don't have time to help her with her school cores, I don't have time to help her search for her dream schools, I cannot afford to send her to go abroad. All I can do is giving her INSTRUCTIONS...yes, you don't make a mistake. I gave my own daughter instructions. A road map. Because when we only have a few hours to talk, that would be the most efficient way of teaching my daughter what to do.

In a real life, who wants to date a perfect woman? None.
A beautiful, smart woman is a dangerous species. Perhaps I can only be categorized as half smart and vaguely beautiful (beauty is in the eye of the beholder--> it is like when you are not really sure of what you are seeing but you get the feeling that you have your opinion about this), but still, even with a discounted valuation, no one decent has enough courage to be near me. That left me with: 1) send me pulsa and lend me money kind of guy; 2) we just want to have fun, so let's have fun kind of guy (when we definitely have to totally different standard and way of having fun); 3) I like your smile, I like your brain, I love talking to you, but you know that I'm not available and considering I am a CEO, CFO, COO or something like that, could you please keep this as a secret kind of guy ; 4) will you introduce me to your friends because they are so beautiful. You know I like you, right? As a friend? kind of guy.

So, there is nothing I can do to win a perfect woman of the year trophy. 
I have to accept who I am and be happy with what I have.
But you know what? 

I am happy.
Check.