Do I need love? Do I want to be loved?

"A warrior of the Light needs love.

Love and affection as much as his nature as eating, drinking and

a taste for the Good Fight. When the warrior watches a sunset and feels no joy, then something is wrong.

At this point, he stops fighting and goes in search of company,

so they can watch the setting sun together.

If he has difficulty in finding company, he asks himself,"was I too afraid to approach someone? Did I receive affection and not even notice?"

A warrior of the Light makes use of solitude, but is not used by it".

Paulo Coelho - Warrior of the Light

Being a single mom is like riding an emotional roller coaster with your eyes close or marry-go-round since I hate roller coaster. You can never tell what will happen in the next 2 seconds but eventually you just have got to be ready. Exhaustion from doing it yourself is a real deal, from my own house chores into working on my company's projects in toll road investment business (which is not only very challenging but also will throw you upside down like a ragged doll).

Raising my daughter without any "male energy" is another tough challenge. I haven't been with any man for years, I mean, I worked really close with men every single day but none of them is more than just a friend or a colleague. So, it doesn't mean that I understand their thinking pattern, which particularly essential when my daughter was asking my advice for her romance life. I was completely totally clueless.

Some people finds me a little bit hard to deal with. "Galak', kata my CEO.
It is not that I was mad all the time, but I don't like to be panicking. The fastest way to avoid this situation is by making sure that everything is handled properly. Nothing is left behind nor put under the rug. I don't like to wear myself thin, but the pressure to be a perfect mother, daughter and sister plus an excellent career woman is quiet a juggling act. I need to make sure that everything is under control and there is nothing will freak me out later on.

Do I need love? Do I want to be loved? I am just as normal as any woman (under the same pressure) in this whole wide world. But I feel the need to separate my life as a single woman, a career woman and a mother. I have tried once or twice to have a date or to be closed to someone, but it didn't work. I need someone who is (much) older, super smart, fun, tall, handsome, have lots of money, easy to talk with ( trust me, he is real but it's complicated). I am so done for doing charity works for those men (Nadia will laugh really hard until her head kiss the floor if she remember the "kismin" guy). For God's sake I am not closing the door, but the men who were knocking on my door are total disaster.

So for the time being, I choose to have coffee with my girls, work my butt off and wait for the right man to knock on my door.  Or window. Or my office. Ooh whatever...